Let’s be honest. The Veggie Vixen’s [cyber] garden has not been growing lately. Not in the slightest. Blog posts have been few and far between. Emails have gone unchecked. Facebook notifications/messages have been poorly responded to- and forget about keeping up with my Newsfeed. It just hasn’t been happening.
It’s not just my cyber garden that has been full of weeds; my mental garden has been pretty full of weeds as well. I’m not tackling my wedding planning tasks. I delayed starting my Half Marathon training for weeks. I enrolled in a self-paced online course but my pace has been “0” mph. There are books sitting on my shelf waiting to be finished, phone calls I need to make, a house I need to pack and a business I need to kick off the ground. There is so much on my life “to-do” list and none of it is getting done.
It sure looks like I’ve got it all together on the outside though. I’m sure it seems like my life is sailing along with ease. And heck I couldn’t argue with you! I’ve got a great guy I’ll be marrying in less than 6 months, a good job at a reputable company, wonderfully beautiful friends, a loving and supportive family and [screw modesty] a hot and healthy bod.
But the truth is, I’ve been feeling pretty off lately. I’ve been stuck in a serious rut my friends. I am more stuck than a fly in honey, more stuck than a wad of gum on a shoe sole, more stuck than a Bostonian in rush hour traffic. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. I’ve been feeling uninspired, unmotivated, moody and mopey. Why?
Well, because I’m not quite sure where my life is headed right now. I have a lot of things I want to do, be and have but I'm not sure where to start. I feel pulled in many different directions and as a result I’ve been living in a constant state of “blah” for months. Just enough “blah” to be annoying, but not enough to actually say “HEY, this ain’t working babe. Time to change something.” So I’ve been putting off the things I need to do most, passing them onto “tomorrow” with a shrug and a sigh. I keep putting off the very actions that will bring me closer to the life I really want.
And that just ain’t right people. I’ve got big dreams to fulfill, big shoes I want to walk in and a big life I want to create. None of that is going to happen if I keep walking around with a lackluster attitude, if I keep hiding my head in the sand. But I had no idea how to change my attitude until this weekend.
It’s not just my cyber garden that has been full of weeds; my mental garden has been pretty full of weeds as well. I’m not tackling my wedding planning tasks. I delayed starting my Half Marathon training for weeks. I enrolled in a self-paced online course but my pace has been “0” mph. There are books sitting on my shelf waiting to be finished, phone calls I need to make, a house I need to pack and a business I need to kick off the ground. There is so much on my life “to-do” list and none of it is getting done.
It sure looks like I’ve got it all together on the outside though. I’m sure it seems like my life is sailing along with ease. And heck I couldn’t argue with you! I’ve got a great guy I’ll be marrying in less than 6 months, a good job at a reputable company, wonderfully beautiful friends, a loving and supportive family and [screw modesty] a hot and healthy bod.
But the truth is, I’ve been feeling pretty off lately. I’ve been stuck in a serious rut my friends. I am more stuck than a fly in honey, more stuck than a wad of gum on a shoe sole, more stuck than a Bostonian in rush hour traffic. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. I’ve been feeling uninspired, unmotivated, moody and mopey. Why?
Well, because I’m not quite sure where my life is headed right now. I have a lot of things I want to do, be and have but I'm not sure where to start. I feel pulled in many different directions and as a result I’ve been living in a constant state of “blah” for months. Just enough “blah” to be annoying, but not enough to actually say “HEY, this ain’t working babe. Time to change something.” So I’ve been putting off the things I need to do most, passing them onto “tomorrow” with a shrug and a sigh. I keep putting off the very actions that will bring me closer to the life I really want.
And that just ain’t right people. I’ve got big dreams to fulfill, big shoes I want to walk in and a big life I want to create. None of that is going to happen if I keep walking around with a lackluster attitude, if I keep hiding my head in the sand. But I had no idea how to change my attitude until this weekend.
It finally clicked for me this past Saturday, as Anthony and I hosted our “Six Month Countdown to the Wedding” cookout. I had devised a Trivia game, all about the two of us, for our guests to play and win a prize. Kid Pandora was in charge of the second game, but didn't want to tell me what it entailed. So when we started playing his game, I had no idea what was going on. He instructed our guests to form a circle, blind-folded me with a red scarf, spun me around and told everyone to shout my name over and over as I searched the circle for him.
I didn't see the point of this game- how was anyone going to win a prize? I felt totally disoriented, a bit overwhelmed by all the shouting, and confused about where to step. I felt as if I was going to be groping people (and the air) for the rest of the afternoon, unable to find my bestie. But eventually I found him (thanks to my mom who started shouting “He’s over here! He’s over here”) and when he took the blindfold off me I knew something was up. He looked at me with intense tear-filled eyes and said “Marissa, You found me!” and he choked up and laughed as he said “I don’t even know was to say anymore.” Then he got down on one knee and opened a box with a ring inside and asked me to marry him. And well, DUH, I said yes!
Now my point isn’t to share our adorably cheesy “official engagement” story. My point is to explain how this little romantic moment made me realize something. I realized that need a lot more trust in my life. During this charade I couldn't see a damn thing. I had no idea which direction I was going and I felt like I had a million different things being thrown (shouted) at me. But I trusted in my loved ones and I eventually found my sweetie.
This same act of trust needs to be applied to my entire life. If I am going to accomplish all the goals I have set forth for myself, I need to trust my partner, my friends, my family, the universe and myself. I need to trust that everything is going to work out and that all will be found if I just let go of my “to-do’s”’ and just be. I need to trust that if I focus on the moment the plan will be revealed. Most importantly, I need to trust that, even though I might feel as if I’m walking around blinding right now, if I continue walking my path, I will eventually see.
Be well,
Veggie Vixen
I didn't see the point of this game- how was anyone going to win a prize? I felt totally disoriented, a bit overwhelmed by all the shouting, and confused about where to step. I felt as if I was going to be groping people (and the air) for the rest of the afternoon, unable to find my bestie. But eventually I found him (thanks to my mom who started shouting “He’s over here! He’s over here”) and when he took the blindfold off me I knew something was up. He looked at me with intense tear-filled eyes and said “Marissa, You found me!” and he choked up and laughed as he said “I don’t even know was to say anymore.” Then he got down on one knee and opened a box with a ring inside and asked me to marry him. And well, DUH, I said yes!
Now my point isn’t to share our adorably cheesy “official engagement” story. My point is to explain how this little romantic moment made me realize something. I realized that need a lot more trust in my life. During this charade I couldn't see a damn thing. I had no idea which direction I was going and I felt like I had a million different things being thrown (shouted) at me. But I trusted in my loved ones and I eventually found my sweetie.
This same act of trust needs to be applied to my entire life. If I am going to accomplish all the goals I have set forth for myself, I need to trust my partner, my friends, my family, the universe and myself. I need to trust that everything is going to work out and that all will be found if I just let go of my “to-do’s”’ and just be. I need to trust that if I focus on the moment the plan will be revealed. Most importantly, I need to trust that, even though I might feel as if I’m walking around blinding right now, if I continue walking my path, I will eventually see.
Be well,
Veggie Vixen
What a sweetie!
